


When I Dance Alone (Blame it on Me)

by hazzagasm



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: F/M, Keenler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 16:37:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7369414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazzagasm/pseuds/hazzagasm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keenler fanfic.<br/>I haven't really made up a plot yet, but Liz is with Tom who is still lying to her. She finds herself being drawn to Ressler who has always had a soft spot for her. Do they stand a chance?</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I Dance Alone (Blame it on Me)

He stared at his reflection in the mirror with empty eyes and a heavy heart. Lately everything seemed so blurry. He was starting to lose sense of the whole purpose of his life, and even though he barely admitted it to anyone (even himself), it scared him. His hand tightened around the little jar of white pills, as he let out another deep breath. He had been clean for almost 5 months and now it was all starting to come back. In his mind, he kept seeing flashes of Audrey and it made him feel weak with anger.

  
Torn away from his thoughts by the sound of the doorbell, he quickly stashed away the pills and went to open the door, gun sitting ready in the back of his pants. He opened the door slightly, cautiously peeking out, only to see the face of his partner Agent Keen. Knowing that this woman was of no threat to him, he opened the door fully, looking at her emotionless face with curiosity and a hint of surprise.

  
She looked away from his piercing stare as she spoke, voice wavering and low; “I didn’t know where else to go.” She looked so small and fragile, very unlike the person she used to be. Her eyes were equally as empty as his own, and for a moment, he wondered how they let their lives get this fucked up. How someone so extrovert and beautiful could turn in on herself this way. It sent a pang to his heart.

  
His lips lifted slightly in a somewhat small smile of sorts, as he stepped aside to let her in. “Suit yourself.”

  
She stepped inside and awkwardly shook of her coat, which was dripping a bit onto the floor, as it was raining lightly outside. “Sorry”, she muttered, directed towards the small pool of water she had left on the floor, when hanging her coat on the hanger.

  
Ressler looked at her fondly, shrugging lightly. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just water”, he said in response. “Can I offer you some tea or coffee? Maybe something a little stronger?”, he asked her, leaning on the doorframe as he watched her.

  
“Coffee sounds good, thanks”, she answered, running a hand through her slightly wet hair, while giving him a small grateful smile.

  
“Coming right up”, he said, moving towards the kitchen to make her a cup. She bit her bottom lip and turned her look down, as she felt a little bit of heat well up in her cheeks from his intense stare.

  
“Do you take sugar? Milk?”, he called out, while rummaging in the kitchen.

  
She walked slowly to the entrance of the kitchen and watched him. “Um. No thank you, just black coffee is fine”, she said politely, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. His eyes were on her hands, and she felt her heartbeat increase at the knowledge of his eyes on her. Maybe coming here was not a good idea after all.

  
At her response, he gave a short nod, and then turned around to pour coffee into a rather large black mug. Her eyes traced his movements curiously, and the silence was not awkward, yet there was still a weird, lingering tension between them that she could not quite place.

  
He handed her the mug, then put a hand on her lower back to guide her out of the kitchen. “Let’s go to the living room and talk”, he suggested. She followed him willingly, blowing down the mug in attempt to cool the hot beverage a bit before taking a sip.

  
Keen sat down on the couch while Ressler, ever the gentleman, got her a blanket. “I’m not letting you freeze your toes of on my watch”, he said jokingly, and it was not like him to be a joker, but she thought the attempt at easing the tension was cute, and so she smiled affectionately at him. “Thanks.”

  
“Whatever you need”, he said. She knew he meant it. He might seem all tough and always-on-the-right-side-of-the-law, but he would always go out of his way to make sure his coworkers were alright. Whatever that might mean. He sat down next to her. “So why are you here Keen? I mean not that you aren’t always welcome, but I wasn’t expecting to see you here. You and Tom…”, he said, not really knowing how to finish the sentence. Her and Tom were a complicated couple, and he had told himself he wouldn’t get involved with their relationship, but he couldn’t help himself from feeling protective towards Keen, and it sometimes made it difficult to mind his own business. They both knew his opinion on Tom, and that had been a topic that centered some of their arguments sometimes, but Keen knew that he meant it in good sense, and she never really lashed out on him for badmouthing her boyfriend. Soon to be husband, he mentally reminded himself. It made his stomach flip.

  
Keens eyes fell a little at the mention of the name. “We had an argument. It’s been a little over a week since he proposed to me and promised me that he would work his hardest to make my dreams come true. He said that we could make this work. That we could start a family, and live a normal life. I want that so bad. I let my expectations get the best of me, and I dared to believe in the impossible. There is nothing simple and normal about my life, and thanks to Reddington I will never be able to live the life I’ve been dreaming of since I was a little girl. It’s just not possible. But Tom promised me that he would get out of everything and start over for me”, she explained, pulling her legs up on the couch. She looked helplessly at Ressler.

“He’s been lying again. I found out yesterday that he had been making plans to earn some cash by helping his ex-girlfriend Gina, and he knows I don’t trust her. He knows I don’t want him to get involved with her, but he did it anyways. Behind my back. He didn’t tell me about it. So I confronted him about it, and I got so worked up. He says it’s for us, but I don’t want that. I don’t want to wake up every day and wonder if he is still alive, or maybe lying dead in some gutter somewhere. I need to feel like we are somewhat safe. I just had to get away for a bit. Clear my mind. I’m not sure if I made the right choice by taking him back. I know what you’re going to say, but he really has changed. He’s trying, Ressler. I just don’t know if that is enough for me at this point”, she says, taking a shaky breath.

  
She looked up to see his eyes on her. He was listening intently, and she felt torn between the ripping emotions of anger and betrayal mixed with the calm and tender feelings he made her feel. She had never thought of him in a loving way, but as she looked into his eyes, she felt a hunger for him that she had never imagined. Her whole body was begging her to collapse in his arms and let his hands caress her skin. It made her stomach twist as she realized she wanted his attention in a way she had never wanted it before. Trying to suppress her feelings, she looked away from him into her coffee instead, and thought about Tom. Her heart felt painfully active from all the emotions swirling around her body and mind.

  
“You know how I feel about Tom, but I’m glad to hear that he is at least trying. Not that I would ever trust him. I don’t think he is good enough for you, and you deserve someone who really cares and someone who has their life under control. But if you can make it work and somehow find a way to be happy, I will support you, because that is all I wish for you – that you’ll find a way to be happy. Tom should not be lying to you though. I know you know how fucked up that is, so I won’t even comment more on that”, Ressler said quietly, clenching his jaw slightly. 

  
She dared to sneak a peek at him. He looked to peaceful and strong. She wanted him to calm her nerves and make her feel loved. Sometimes she wasn’t even sure Tom’s love for her was real and it made her insecure to think that he might still be playing her. “Thanks”, she murmured, a little flushed.

  
“Should I make the bed for you? I can just sleep here on the couch. It’s getting pretty late”, Ressler said, but she shook her head immediately. “No, no, it’s fine. I should probably get back. Tom must be worried”, she explained.

  
Ressler’s facial expression turned a little sour for a moment, but Keen didn’t notice. He wanted to tell her not to go back to that lying, cheating dog of a man, but he didn’t have the authority to do so. Keen was a grown woman and he knew she was more than capable of defending herself. It was her feelings he feared for. He didn’t want to have to be there to mend her broken heart. He wanted her to be happy.

  
“I could give you a ride? You really shouldn’t walk home alone at this hour. It’s not exactly the safest neighborhood”, he reasoned. She smiled sweetly at him. “You’re always so helpful and caring Don. I appreciate it, but really, I’ll be fine. Thanks for letting me stay though – and for the coffee”, she said, as she got up from the couch.

  
“Anytime”, he said sincerely, and went to walk her to the front door. She opened the door and turned around, daring to give him a kiss on the cheek, which caught him by surprise, before heading out the door. “Thanks for everything. I’ll see you at work tomorrow”, she said, before leaving the apartment and a lovesick man behind.


End file.
